Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? If your romantic mate says, it’s me instead of you, read this post carefully. He or she may be a narcissist, and thus incapable of healthy relating. Today’s post is about what you must give up to date a narcissist.
Let’s define what a narcissist is, first. Do you recall the myth of Narcissus? One day he saw an image of himself reflected in a pool of water that captivated him. He stared at his reflection for days, forgetting to eat, drink and sleep so that he died.
The Narcissus myth persists today because it speaks to a self-centered stage of human development that characterizes many people in our culture. Romantic involvement with a narcissist can damage your self-esteem. You, as a separate person with unique thoughts, feelings and needs, do not exist for them. They are too preoccupied with themselves. So, before you involve yourself with a person who has this personality tendency, know at the start how much you are about to sacrifice in self-worth and self-expression.
Narcissists come as males and females and exist as a type of personality in every culture, race, profession, and religion. So the pool, no pun intended here, from which you can choose is vast.
Pathological narcissism in adults results in an enduring personality disorder that is characterized by an inflated sense of self and severely disturbed interpersonal relations.
There are two types of narcissists. The less lethal form is the classic narcissist, the person who needs to belittle you to bolster a fragile self-esteem. They tolerate differences poorly, are very competitive, and resist giving credit to anyone other than themselves. If you are waiting for them to say I’m sorry, don’t hold your breath. To them, saying sorry shows weakness.
Most narcissists are of the classic type. They don’t want to destroy you; they just need to be better than you. Truly, their emotional stability depends on this relationship scenario. No matter how much you appreciate their psychological vulnerabilities, their put downs sting all the same.
Classic narcissists rarely go to therapy on their own. They have to be emotionally hurting a lot to get help. Moreover, when they start to feel better, they go right back to the reflecting pool to admire themselves.
The scariest narcissist is the antisocial type. This type is hostile and sometimes lethal. They need to be in control of themselves, and you, at all times. See my post called, Are you sleeping with an enemy? Losing control threatens them deeply. Negotiation and compromise, the tools of healthy relating, are not part of their vocabulary. The antisocial narcissist will never put himself in a situation where he feels vulnerable. Therapy, as you can imagine, is out of the question. You might as well have asked the person to walk through fire for you.
Antisocial narcissists take hostages; they do not form relationships.
The behaviors of O. J. Simpson, Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend Chris Brown and Casey Anthony express the hostility that is typical of this type.
I’m ending my post today with some tongue in cheek wisdom that is sad but true. If you are going to date a narcissist, there are ten sacrifices that you’ll have to make in self-respect, to keep your narcissist happy.
- Make your daily mantra “It’s all about him—or her.
- Say you are sorry, even when you have done nothing wrong. He will appreciate your eagerness to make him happy.
- Do not get sick or appear needy. Remember, your mantra in sacrifice one.
- Never, I mean never talk about the relationship, if you wish to have one with her.
- Don’t be selfish. Downplay your looks, smarts, and appeal to make him feel secure.
- Be charming at all times. Charm never harm should be your motto.
- Never start a sentence with “I need you to…….”
- Know what they expect of you, then, give it to them.
- He or she believes in the give and take relationship principle. You give, he takes.
- Above all, never age. He will grow to hate you for this.
Think twice before you wish for a relationship commitment with a narcissist. You have a lot to lose and little to gain.
If you like my post today, please say so by selecting the Like icon at the bottom of this article. Happy Sunday. Deborah
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Thank you so much. Im glad you enjoy the articles and that you will be back. Also, it was so nice for you to say that you see by my blog that ii have a passion for the psychology of people and for wanting people to live the best lives possible. it means alot to me. Best Deborah
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Thank you so much Jody. I’m so pleased you stopped by and enjoyed what you found. I love the quote by Harold Bloom. Thank you for sharing. See you soon. Warmly, Deborah!
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Thank you very much. I’m so pleased you like what you find on my site. Blessings to you as well. Come back and visit soon. Deborah
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Greetings to Idaho!! I’m so glad that you found some information that you like here. Thank you for coming back to visit me again. I look forward to sharing lots of good information with you that you can use in your life. Best to you! Thanks again, Deborah.
I am happy that I am out of a relation with a narcissistic and beautiful man-eater. Since June 2016. I was with her for 18 month Jan 2015 and broke up after two month bc I felt emotionally drained. However she phoned me and I thought it will get better. All the roller coaster emotions went worse. But on the end I saw her lack of empathy – her lack of not being responsible for nothing it was my fault. She knows all – never answered question – never talked about past – (her answer; this was yesterday) and for me I think we can learn from yesterday bc past determines future. She humiliated me with words – and she is better than anybody aso.. Wants admiration and has tons of male “friends” which serve for that purpose. Men fall for her wherever she goes. Get’s outraged and aggressively loud when she thinks she deserves better bc she is the top! Believes if otherwise she is the victim and can’t deal with that at all. No criticisms allowed – not even; have you thought of that? No dialogue possible – it always falls back on her view.
Luckily my analytical mind sets in when my emotions want to control me. I was an enabler and became victim when I served my purpose .She has in the background a new enabler which will become her next victim. It was an interesting ride! I blocked all contacts bc I know she hates if she is not in control – one time when she has the new enabler under her control – she will phone me. I bet on that! Because she has to win!!!!
To cut of the narc from your system. 2 things are necessary to realize. Those are HOPE and Emotions.
WHY: Because with hope come emotions and that is the circle you have to interrupt! That will set you free!
When you give up HOPE that the narc will change when hope is really diminishing – out of your system – The emotions will follow to leave you and you are free from the Narc. Forever – AND never let him/her contact you again. Change phone number – and if you can move!