Get Through a Tough Time: Free Your Heart of Resentment

Tough life challenges test our mettle in many ways. But, perhaps, the most important test to enduring a hard time well is to free your heart of resentment.

No matter the nature of your hard time, to move beyond it, you will have to let go of what has been, what others may have done to you, and most importantly, the hand you may have played in bringing about what’s happening right now. Freeing your heart of resentment turns your heart break into a heart open with which you have enough strength, dignity and grace to renew yourself, no matter how hard the task may be. With an open heart, you are positioned well to bring into your life right circumstance, right people, and more self-love. By right, I mean—that which enriches you emotionally and spiritually.

To turn your heart from breaking to open, you have to release any thoughts, feelings and behavior that are unhelpful or burdensome to appreciating all that has been, no matter how hard and painful. This after all is your life. You have to say, in effect, “I have the courage to let go of my resentment to whatever I’m holding on to and to open myself to people, situations, and things that are more helpful to my personal growth and well-being.”

To start trusting in a future that you may not be able to envision at this time, you must open your heart. Claim whatever anger, bitterness or dislike you have toward the past, others, or you yourself, first. Then, let my Declarations of a Free and Open Heart that follow keep you on the straight and narrow pathway to accepting what is, appreciating what is right and good in your life and loving yourself and life fully, once again.

  1. I trust in thoughts, feelings and behavior that helps me to endure.
  2. I accept what has been; I’m ready to move forward with my whole mind, body, and spirit.
  3. I will not spend time romancing old dramas and what has been.
  4. I allow no one and no thing to spoil my unburdened heart.
  5. I stand firm toward all that strengthens my resolve. 
  6. I use my heart break as an opening to more self-love for all of what I am learning in life rather than what I have or have not achieved.
  7. I let go and trust in the future, because I have myself.
  8. I look after my open heart in word, feeling, and action.
  9. I recognize that only I am responsible for getting through my hard time.
  10. I honor endurance as my chief purpose.

Although life tests each of us in different ways, one thing is for sure, we are all being asked to open our hearts to the awe of living, despite a downward turn in finances, relationships, or health. I know this is no easy task, with much loss and pain. But, the greatest power that each of us has is the ability to endure.Seize the chance to use this healing power in your life during this time.


15 Responses to “Get Through a Tough Time: Free Your Heart of Resentment”

  1. Oh yes, letting go of resentment and grudges is a tough one…I've recently been impressed with the idea of not holding on too tightly to any outcome or event, which is easier said than done. Many have written about the importance of not dismissing our feelings, which is important, but isn't it also important to not hold onto our feelings too tightly?

  2. avatar Amy says:

    OH Debbie–I am pretty slow at computerworld ! I want my youngest son to read a few of these, especialyy getting thru a tuff time-freeing yourheart of resentment–he is (again) tearing himself up over a past break up. It is hard for me to say things-as the “MOM” but there I things I read in this that I feel will click in his mind. He is not a “fickle” man–(31) he just can not find the right person for himself-and even tho he agreed with his last break up-he still gets so down–It makes me sad–and Mad–like I want to say–Get Over It–Move On–however those are just overused unsensitive words…how can I pass this article to him? Thanks

    • avatar Dr. Deborah says:

      Hi Amy, thank you so much for your comment and enjoying the articles. I know it must be hard to watch your son in pain over the breakup. So much of our time on this earth is spent on love. We first try to find the right love, which can take many years, then we work to make our love relationship last, which is a challenging process, and finally, if things take a downward turn, we spend much time grieving the loss of a love. We invest so much of our hopes, dreams, and possibilities in our love interests–that losing her has got to feel like losing a part of himself.

      If you copy and paste the url link on this page and email it to him or go to the top of the browser and send link to his email, he’ll come to this page. Thanks Amy! Debbie

  3. avatar Hassan says:

    Excellent post,I probably needed to revive that lesson to let go of the memories of bad events.But do you think that saying the affirmation is all enough to forget all that.?

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Thank you Hassan. You ask a great question. The affirmations make us more mindful of what we are trying to do, which is to free our heart of resentment, pain and hurt. They bring our intention into our awareness so that it’s harder to slip into negative thinking that prevents us from moving forward. They affirm to ourselves that we have decided to move forward. Slowly, our behaviors follow, which reinforces the change that we want to happen.

      I’m glad you found the post helpful Hassan. Be well. Warmly Deborah.

  4. avatar Abdul Rauf says:

    I’d say that this is a masterpiece. Holding grudge against someone is like eating poisen and expecting other person to die.
    I just popped out here from your post on Facebook Page. Thanks for writing it, Debbie.

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Hello Abdul, what a kind thing to say. Yes, grudges and resentment is the poison that actually destroys other rather than others. Well-said. I hope you pop in again sometime. Welcome Abdul. Warmly Deborah.

  5. avatar Dr. Ali Raza Syed says:

    Thank you Dr Deborah for such an enlightening article & for all the others that you have posted. There is so much of dishonesty, intrigues, manipulations, exploitation etc going on, infact think of any negativity & this world has it and all of this affects everyone, people who are positive & good in their approach to life but also those who indulge in negativities, so they are not only ruining others’ lives but their own lives as well. People become so deeply engrossed in trying to serve their selfish interests that in the way they destroy other people’s lives. And then population explosion continues unabated but at the same time loneliness.

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Hello Dr. Ali, good to say hello to you here. I always welcome your wisdom. I like the point you make about people not only ruining their lives through their self-interest and manipulations of other people, but also the lives of those who become victims of their attention. I have counseled many people throughout the years who almost didn’t emotionally recover because of feeling so misused by such a person’s selfish desires and needs.

      You emphasize the deep connection between our psychological and spiritual selves. I couldn’t agree more with you. How can a person be emotionally and spiritually healthy if they care little about their emotional impact on other persons? I’m often amazed at how easily some people can say or act destructively toward others, as if it does not destroy them too.

      Thank you, again, Dr. Ali for your thoughtful comment. Be Well, Warmly Deborah.

  6. avatar Ashfaqur Rahman says:

    Excellent post.Very encouraging….:)

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Thank you Ashfaqur, I appreciate your taking a moment to write and glad that the post was encouraging. It’s such a relief when we decide it is time to let go and see what the future will bring. But, of course, we have to be able to tolerate some discomfort in the unknown. I look forward to you stopping by again. Warm regards to you Deborah.

  7. avatar saba says:

    I just started reading your articles, i am much impressed the way you touch everything in any topic. i myself is psychology student, i must say it profoundly enhances my knowledge. i really like the way you respond to the people’e posts, very appreciative. Keep on enlightening us with your insightful knowledge.
    Warm Regards.

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Hello Saba, Thank you. I’m so glad you found Psychology in Everyday Life. Congratulations on your studies. It is a very good field of study Saba. There will so much for you to do once you start work in the field. Thank you again. And, I look forward to seeing you here soon. Warmly Deborah.


Leave a Reply

Meet Dr. Deborah Khoshaba

She Has A Gift For You.

Psychology in Everyday Life on Facebook

Getting to Oz: The personal journey to your true self

So You Want To Date A Narcissist?

Sacrifices You Must Make, To Do So!

What behaviors are taking you hostage?

Make a choice to live freely, fully and creatively.

Love is Being Present

How To Get More Love Into Your Life

Our Sponsors and Support Mental Health Sites


All content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only. This blog is not meant to professionally treat people psychologically. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site. The owner will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information. These terms and conditions of use are subject to change at anytime and without notice.

PIEL is PayPal Verified

Official PayPal Seal