Would You Avoid Some of Your Suffering, If You Could?

Today, there’s a growing interest in reality shows that help business owners to succeed. Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Kitchen Nightmares, Restaurant Impossible are just a few of the shows that take mismanaged businesses and their owners and make them thrive once again. No matter a hair salon or restaurant, the source of the business’ troubles comes back to one problem alone; the owner’s way of operating is adding stresses to the business that lay outside its daily operation pressures. Like, for example, the restaurant owner who chooses to serve rotting chicken to customers to save money. When customers get ill and threaten to notify the proper regulation agency, the owner decides the restaurant business is bad rather than his practices.

Like in business, we can make bad judgments in our personal lives that cause us to suffer unnecessarily. This suffering is what we psychologist types call neurotic and starts with the choices we make. Now, indeed, there is some suffering you cannot avoid. You didn’t for example cause the suffering brought about by a natural disaster or by an illness in yourself or a loved one. But could you have avoided the suffering you now feel because of a relationship breakup? What do you mean Dr. Deborah? You mean I caused him or her to leave me? Things get interesting when the who causes us to suffer topic shifts from the dramatic details that led to the breakup to our decision to begin the relationship at the start.

We tend to focus on the suffering that people or circumstance causes us rather than the suffering self-imposed by our choices. It’s very hard to face that a part of us knew better. So much easier in the short-run to relive the events that justify our suffering.I have been there in my life too. So, know that I post my thoughts today with great compassion for you. You see when we take the drama away, the complaining customers who are just plain nasty, or the bad lovers who broke our hearts, silence rolls in like a storm cloud so thick you could cut it with a knife. That’s how we experience the moment when there’s nothing left to say or do but face ourselves, the decisions we have made, and the suffering we created as a result.

While, I can’t help you to change your past, I can help you to create a better future, a future with less suffering. I leave you thus today with four preventive tips to avoid neurotic suffering in your life.

  1. Know yourself well. If for example, you have trust and loss issues, don’t decide to date a commitment phobic person or someone married. It won’t work out well. You will surely suffer.
  2. Weigh the consequences of a decision carefully. Consider all what if scenarios. Remember the restaurant owner who sold bad chicken. Was having his restaurant shut down worse or better than throwing out the rotten chicken? Exactly! 
  3. If deciding for a person or thing feels too good to be true, it probably is. No one thing or person can answer all of our prayers. If deciding to bring something into your life seems to remedy all of your problems, go cautiously. You are already setting yourself up for suffering because people and circumstance by nature are uncertain.  
  4. Link your heart to reason and vice versa. Most decisions that consider what we intuitively want and feel along with good reason are sound. Rejecting one faculty over the other leads to short-sighted decisions and thus neurotic suffering.
Do you have another tip for us? Please comment.

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2 Responses to “Would You Avoid Some of Your Suffering, If You Could?”

  1. avatar Anonymous says:

    5. Always consider the dynamics of the persons family & how they treat you. It is a truth that you are getting involved with not only a person but their entire family. That situation can enhance or fracture your relationship.

  2. Thank you for your tip. You are so right that you are getting involved with the family of the person you are dating as well.


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