Get Your Groove Back!

There’s an article today in the AOL Living section of the Huffington post that’s called How to Stop Love from Making You Act like a Fool by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D.

Compulsive voicemails and email-checks, constant texting and Facebook stalking or Googling the person’s name, fantasizing about what your wedding will look like, what you’ll name your children and your pets puts you in the love making you act like a fool category.

Halvorson’s remedy to this problem is to create an impulse-halting strategy ahead of time so that the crazies don’t get the best of you. Put your impulses on a diet, she says. Don’t have easy access to any technology that tempts you to reach out to the person who isn’t reaching back to you.

What she hasn’t said and is the point of my post today is that love can only make you act like a fool when it’s not reciprocated. Even if you went overboard in expressing your interest in the person, if the interest was mutual, you would hear back from the person.

The real question to ask yourself is: Why are you pursuing a person romantically who doesn’t share the same type of interest in you? If you want to stop love from making you act like a fool, you must start to ask yourself the tougher questions about what’s happening in your life right now that is making you act so foolishly.

I’m going to ask you two tough questions that will help you to Get Your Groove Back, today. Let’s get right to it.

             1. Is there a stressor in your life right now that has lowered your confidence, judgment, and self-control?

Stress can lower your ability to cope with difficult situations, like facing that the person you like romantically doesn’t like you back, in the same way. Stress disorganizes and confuses us and makes us more impulsive. At such times, it’s much easier to engage in repetitive, irrational behavior than to calmly think through what we are doing and what is happening to us. The drama of stressful situations produces dramatic behaviors in us. The solution: Reduce your stress. Don’t let the drama of unrequited love preoccupy you so that you don’t have to think about solving the more challenging problems you face. Exercise, meditate and do yoga to relax, so that you can think clearly, feel good about yourself, and exercise self-control once again.

             2. Do you have little to no social interaction daily? Is there little happening in your life right now other than   your problems? 

If you say yes to this question, you don’t have enough people, activity and interests going on that make you feel like life is worthwhile. You risk feeling empty and lonely. You may be so lonesome for meaningful inspiration that you jump at any opportunity for romance, even when the person isn’t right for you. The solution: Find a way to inspire yourself through new friends and activities. Expand your range of experience. Better yourself through some self-help group. Learn something new. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to take up ballroom dancing, guitar playing, or some other activity. Go do it. To feel passionate about your life and confident once again, you must expand your experience, so that you’ll open up new friendships and living opportunities.

If you like my post today, please say so by selecting the Like button at the bottom of this article. Best to you all and Happy Saturday.

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2 Responses to “Get Your Groove Back!”

  1. avatar Mohammad Asadullah says:

    Hi, very nice sharing. I’ve in love with a girl in 10th grade but she dumped me. But after 10 years she added me on FB and say’s sorry, She get divorced recently and she has a son approx 6 years. Now, I think that i love her now even more but i cant get a response from her what should i do?

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Hello Mohammad, thank you. Isn’t it interesting how time can bring an apology. Did you tell her how you feel but she won’t reply back to you? Mohammad, if I”m right about understanding what you are saying here. Then, you might try again. But, remember, sometimes no reply is actually an answer to you. I wish I didn’t have to say this. But perhaps, she wants your friendship but does not want something further. I really don’t know. I just know that sometimes no answer is actually an answer–that we don’t want to hear. I wish the best for you and hope I’m wrong about this. Warmly Deborah.


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