Categorized | Love & Dating, Relationships

The Early Stages of Falling in Love: Euphoric, Endangered, and Exhausted

There’s nothing quite as exhilarating as the early stages of a romantic relationship. Just the thought that you may have found your one-and-only can be so thrilling. But, the early stages of falling in love can be as frustrating as they are wonderful. Your new love life may consume your energy, focus, and time to the point where everything else going on in your life may feel like a rude intrusion. You can’t stop thinking about your lover. You get up and go to sleep obsessing about the relationship and what your future will look like together.

To some of you, this reaction to love may seem over board. But, many of you know first-hand how falling in love can turn you into an obsessed, needy, and insecure person for a time.  You don’t have to have emotional issues from the past to feel this way. Of course, if you do, this stage will be particularly difficult for you.

Remember, the saying is not staying balanced in love, it is falling, losing your self to love. So, if you are in the early stages of falling in love right now, and you feel a little crazy, don’t worry, you kind of are. You are under the influence of your hormones that are making you feel, all at once, euphoric, endangered, and exhausted. Let’s call these the Three E’s of falling in love. Researcher Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa, Italy helps us to understand the euphoria we feel in the early stages of romantic love. She says, it is more than two hearts igniting, when people fall in love. Their hormones ignite as well. The nerve transmitters adrenaline and phenylethylamine (PEA–also present in chocolate) increase when two people are attracted to each other. These hormones put people in emotional overdrive. Additionally, the relaxation, feel good hormone, serotonin lowers, which causes you to obsess about your lover and consistently reflect back on the romantic times spent with him or her.

Falling in love produces a biological state that is a high similar to being on cocaine. More interestingly, Donatella Marazziti discovered that falling in love also alters testosterone levels in men and women. This is the male sex hormone that makes men hunters and gatherers and more able than women to be sexual without an emotional commitment. Increased testosterone levels in women during the early stages of romantic love make them more sexual and aggressive. While decreased testosterone levels in men make them more emotional and receptive at this time. This finding makes me smile. I have heard more than one time through the years by men, “What happened to her sex drive? When we first went out, she was sexually wild? I couldn’t keep up with her. She tricked me.” If you yourself have felt this way about your female lover, now, you know that it was her hormones that made her into a girl gone wild.

Why can love’s early stages make you feel personally endangered as well? First, the euphoria that you feel can disorganize you. You are adding a dating relationship to your normal, busy routine. Your normal responsibilities at work and home may fall to the wayside, as you put more energy into solidifying your love relationship. This can make you more anxious than normal. Also, loving asks you to lower your defenses and loosen up your personal boundaries so that you can merge your needs and desires with those of your lover. This process can be threatening and make you feel unsafe. Nonetheless, this is the making of a strong, healthy relationship attachment. It takes time to trust each other and to know that this attachment will not hurt you. No wonder we can feel anxious and unsafe when we first fall in love. There’s much to gain and to lose, in the process. The fear you feel is palpable. Many of you may unconsciously create emotional issues and dramas to give voice, and make tangible, the endangerment that you feel.

With all of the hormone changes and fears going on inside of you, it is no wonder you may feel exhausted in the early stages of falling in love. I’ve heard several people say that they can’t wait until the honeymoon period is over so that they can get some rest. And, they are not just speaking about all of the sex making them tired. It’s no wonder that some of you may rush to seal the relationship deal, just to put an end to these uncomfortable feelings.

Knowledge is Power

The Three E’s of the early stages of falling in love give new meaning to being under the influence of love. The following recommendations will help you to navigate the falling in love stage more smoothly, so that you can treasure this very special time in your life.

  1. Enjoy the high, but don’t lose yourself in it.
  2. Keep your schedule, no matter how much you want to throw it over.
  3. Acknowledge you are under the influence of some powerful hormones.
  4. Get the nutrition, rest and relaxation that you need to stay physically, emotionally, and mentally sound.
  5. When concerns and fears come into your mind about your lover, ask yourself if you are just trying to discharge the anxiety that you feel about the unknown, so that you can stop a personal drama in its track.
  6. Don’t rush to seal the relationship, just because you can’t stand the anxiety of having to go through the stages of falling in love. Accept your anxiety and learn to work with it.
  7. Research shows that falling in love also makes you more creative (Scientific American, Does Falling In Love Make Us More Creative?). So, work out that anxiety and fear through some creative activities.
  8. Don’t lower your defenses, personal boundaries, and expectations to the extent that you are denying what you really desire and need. This never works out well. You want to build an authentic relationship attachment, rather than one based on fantasy alone.

Knowledge is power. You will handle this wonderful time much better just by knowing what I’ve shared with you today about the process. Accept the process and let love unfold in its natural way.

If you like my post today, please say so by selecting the Like button that immediately follows. I welcome your experiences, thoughts, and comments. But, you have to Warmly, Deborah.


13 Responses to “The Early Stages of Falling in Love: Euphoric, Endangered, and Exhausted”

  1. avatar gilbert zuniga says:

    What move the hormones to fall in love in the rwong time? Is a chain reaccion between people. What is behind the subconscious
    that move people, that is what i whant people to know and be aware around the environment , …..

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Good questions Gilbert. If you are asking what moves one person to love another at the wrong time and not get the love returned, I have an answer. People’s ideal partners differ, as you know. So, if there isn’t a fit between the two ideal partners, you most likely have only one person who feels love and the other does not. This has a lot to do with our past learning. Also, there are features of our parents that we’d like to avoid in our romantic partners and others that we’d like them to possess. Thus, who is ideal as a romantic mate in our hearts and minds has a good chance of stirring up our love hormones. But, again, if we are not the ideal romantic partner for the person who we desire–there’s no love or hormone match.

      I hope I understood what you were asking. If not, try again. Thank you for reading my post today. I look forward to sharing more with you in the future. Warmly, Deborah.

  2. …So, when one says to another: “I’m CRAZY about you!”, it should not necessarily be taken figuratively, but rather, more prudently,it perhaps should be recognized that they TRULY may be “all shook up”, “can’t help falling in love with you”, suffer from the emotional imbalance of a PCS (Patsy Cline Syndrome), & should be strongly encouraged to seek professional therapeutic intervention before they reach the irreversible point of “going outa my he-ead, over you, outa my-y he-ead over you-ou…”; or maybe simply suggest that they take a few deep breaths & enjoy the wonderful exhilaration of the proverbial “FALL”! Ahhh, sweet young love truly IS a many splendored thing, isn’t it, craziness and all!?!
    Thanks again for another great article, Dr. always, PACE E AMORE!!

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Yep, that’s right. Thank you for the smile. Yes, it is a many splendored thing, craziness and all. You are welcome Dennis. PACE E AMORE!

  3. avatar Persi says:

    Regarding “chocolate,” there are many benefits that chocolate offers. Based on empirical studies, consuming quality-dark chocolate would cause the consumers to make Confucius-type statements on regular basis. Regarding “love-induced creativity,” art history tells us that many sculptors and painters’ “creativity,” was the result of their mental disorder due to gene, closed-head trauma, VD, and etc.) I like your recommendations to those that are in their early stage of falling in love. My Confucius-type statement for today is: those people should follow your recommendations to minimize the risk of “relationship hell” that may be waiting for them.

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Hi Persi, this means we should all consume a lot of chocolate, right? I like this finding. I like your Confucius humor. thank you Persi. Warmly, deborah.

      • avatar Persi says:

        “this means we should all consume a lot of chocolate, right?”

        ***For me, quality dark chocolate only. If you like dark chocolate, try Dove. It is the best!

  4. avatar Amy says:

    Great article…I enjoy the replies as well! Thanks!!!

  5. avatar Alissa says:

    Wow, this explains everything. I totally understand my worries now.

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      Hello Alissa. I’m so glad you found this post helpful. Nothing satisfies me more. Thank you for stopping by. I sure hope you visit again Alissa. Warmly, Deborah.

  6. avatar Katy Schoenwolf says:

    Great article! I’m going to print these off for Tyler!

    • avatar Dr. Deborah Khoshaba says:

      I’m glad you liked it Katy. Hope Tyler will see himself in the throes of hormonal love and understand it all better. xoxo Debbie


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